He interviewed for a job today. An interview we thought about turning down. Because the salary turned out to be much lower than the advertised amount.
But how do you turn down what you need? So we crunched the numbers, and surprise, surprise, realized we could live on less than we thought. We could settle for this if an offer comes of it.
But is settling and surviving what God has for us? Is that his grand plan? The one that everyone keeps telling us to wait for?
People seem quite sure that God has a plan for us, and every little thing that happens is part of it. And we just need to ‘pray for favor’, ‘trust his leading’, ‘wait on him’. Maybe it’s just the open theist in me talking, but I’m not so convinced.
Why must people spout verses and clichés instead of actual wisdom? If someone was oh, say, looking for a job 700 miles away and they weren’t a Christian, how would you advise them or commiserate with them? Why can’t we do that with other Christians?
When people say they want God’s will for us, and that they aren’t ‘praying against us’, does that mean He only wants us either in MI or VA? And that if we don’t get a job, it’s because he wants us to stay here? Is the fact that we are 7 months into this process proof that it’s not his will? Or are we still just waiting on ‘God’s perfect timing’? Why do people’s folk theology make me feel like we’re just pawns in a massive game of Monopoly?
What exactly is the end goal of trusting ‘God’s plan’? Is it success as our culture determines it? Is it a good salary, big house, lots of land? Is that what people mean when they say ‘God will provide’? That He ‘has something better’ for us?
I wonder.
What if ‘God’s plan’ is for us to be poor? It seems so exotic when people choose to be poor. When they voluntarily move to the inner-city. It’s not so romantic when you have no choice.
I grew up poor. We both did. And as much as I don’t want to be rich…………..I kind of want to be rich. I want to live a comfortable life, so then I can sacrifice a few of those comforts, you know, to show my solidarity.
I was looking up places to rent, trying to figure out the cost of living if we happened to get a job offer. I kept seeing houses and apartments saying they accepted Section 8 applicants. I finally looked it up, because what’s so special about Sec. 8?
Do I want to live there? I don’t know. Isn’t that awful of me? Why do I think thriving can’t happen in HUD housing?
Is taking a lower salary or living in Sec. 8 housing ever an option for middle-class people when they talk about God’s plan?
Or is that sort of thing only for those who are ‘called’ to poverty?
It’s funny, the looks I get when I tell people we want to move to Virginia. There is no other reason really, than we want to. It seems to genuinely befuddle people. But I know that if I said ‘God is calling us’, they would nod their head and there would be no more questions.
It feels like it must be a foreign language for certain Christians to give advice or make large decisions based on anything other than Bible verses.
I know Jesus was not the most efficient person. So maybe our advice should be laced with impracticality and a hint of audacious hope. But he also affected people’s lives, outside of salvation. Shouldn’t our words be similarly helpful? If Christianity is about being incarnational, shouldn’t our advice be also?
People act like if you are following God, it will be all peace, all the time. ‘Let go and let God’ is not helpful when I’m feeling all the feelings.
Is it possible that acknowledging the massive stress and emotional upheaval this process is taking on us just makes us human? I don’t know that being a hot mess all summer automatically means we must be ‘out of God’s will’.
The advice offered by Christians seems to encourage passivity. And I just don’t see that reflected in Jesus.
If I was just supposed to be sitting around waiting on divine will and timing, then would I have ever combed Facebook, searching out any connection at all to the cities we want to move to? Would I have messaged a complete stranger (with whom I have 21 friends in common, but still…) at midnight asking if he knows of any civil engineers? (Also, said stranger is awesome and messaged me back right away.) If I was just waiting for heavenly pixie dust, then the 5 people who saw his resume and the ensuing 2 job applications because of that message wouldn’t have happened.
It feels arrogant to think that God is going to swoop down and fix things for me just because ‘He’s the Provider’. Lots of people are stuck living much shittier lives than me, and I don’t see any divine swooping going on. Is that part of the plan?
I take it for granted that because my husband is white, young, has a college degree in a field that needs people, that eventually he’ll land a job somewhere. And so if it does happen, is it because it was God’s plan or because we capitalized on our privilege?
I’m starting to wonder, more and more, if my definition of thriving is more influenced by the culture I’m in than by what God desires.
Because when we talk about thriving or surviving, aren’t we really asking about living well? And what does it mean to just ‘follow God’, when you are worn and beat down, and thriving feels like a fairy tale? How do we live well when we feel so unwell?
I think we instinctively know God wants good for us. Maybe we’re just confused as to what good is. Or misjudge under what contexts it can appear. Can living well only happen under certain conditions? Namely, middle-class suburban ones? Maybe choosing to ‘settle’ for less than society says we need is really just about deciding to live with enough.
I have hope that moving will lead to a renewed flourishing for our family. But ultimately it isn’t about where we live or how much money we make. It isn’t even about whether or not I can divine the mystery of God’s ways. Ultimately, for me, it’s about Emmanuel. In the going or the staying, the seeking or the abiding, the only thing I know for sure is that God is there.
But is that enough for me? I don’t know. Sometimes it is as hard to cling to Presence as it is to listen to pithy theology. And sometimes, I need reminding of what God’s plan really is all about:
“We all need to live our lives in ways that ensure that others may live well. Our flourishing should enhance the lives of others, not detract from them.” – Desmond Tutu
I’ve been there and I think about this stuff all of the time if things aren’t going well. There are a bunch of ideas in this post I’d like to respond to, but I’ll just stop there. And I think we all have a bit of open theist in us. 🙂
Okay, how obnoxious is this? But I’m going to link to an old post of mine anyway. I was in a thorny spot, sad and wanting to know how things were going to turn out and the devotionals we were reading were all about letting go and getting with God’s plan and it was irritating the living daylights out of me, and then I saw Men In Black 3, and it had a fascinating character that was outside of time, seeing all the possible futures, and it got me thinking that maybe God is the same way. That maybe the plan isn’t one specific thing like a holy dayplanner, but something more fluid. Anyway, for what it’s worth: http://nataliehart.com/my-men-in-black-image-of-god/
Christians tend to think there are only 2 plans in life: ours & Gods. While I think God does have plans for us, much like parents envision for their children, I also think He works through our choices. And He’s with us through the ups and downs, the hurts and heartaches, and the joy that comes with those choices. Good or bad. In my own life, I’ve seen this in my marriage and now separation. So many people told me prior to getting married that I was “settling.” That my husband wasn’t Gods choice for me. Even though my marriage is crazy, and my husband is too, I think God has been with us each step of the way. He teaches us, grows us, helps us along the way. Whether its His plan or yours, somehow or another, I think He’s there in the midst of it all, even as close as our next breath.
Ha yeah…it’s hard in the moment to not just stare at them and say something back, but it’s all smile and nods. I was a weird kid. I remember thinking about open theism when I was really little. I just didn’t have the term for it.
I can’t stand MIB and I even read that post, so not obnoxious at all, haha! That was really good. The new ideas I have…..I love that wording so much more!
Yeah I kind of see it as a parental thing too – like I can see the gifts in my kids and hope they get to use them and flourish in them, but to plan out where they’ll go to school or live or whatever….that just seems like too much micro-managing to me!
I kind of alluded to it in my post yesterday, but my husband and I are struggling with the exact same questions right now, Caris. You’re not alone in that. Thanks for writing this. It really resonated.
If I could just hand out copies of that post everytime someone asked me about this, I would. That was so excellently said. Of course it’s hard because you can’t really be open about with the group you’re leaving about why without hurting them.
Oh Caris, you know I am right there with you and B, weeping and gnashing our teeth in the struggle to not just scrape by, barely surviving, but to actually thrive. After all, Thrive is my One Word this year, even if by this point it seems like a sick, twisted joke that God has pulled on us 🙁
my biggest fear is that nothing will happen and we’ll be stuck here for …ever. Or at least another year or two, and I seriously don’t know if I could handle it. So then I’m constantly questioning myself as to if I could really follow God if that happened? Is there a point at which I do need him to do something for me in order to believe? I don’t know. It just sucks.
We have been stuck for 13 months and counting, and let me tell ya…it has been harder than anything I’ve ever gone through. (And I’ve gone through some really shitty things.) I think it is in part the utter lack of control and sheer embarrassment of not being able to craft our own destiny, as if that’s the true marker of a godly life.
There is so much in your words that resonates with me. I feel like I’ve been wrestling with all of these questions for a year now. I’ve totally gone to the “felt God calling us” to explain why we moved here, because it’s the only answer that gets people off my back. Especially when there are a lot of times I’m not always sure. I don’t want to clutter up your comments with too much, but I’m just really grateful for the honesty in your words, without the compulsion to explain it all away. Thanks for that; it’s helpful for those of us who are in the midst of these moments too.
it’s been 4 years, really, for us. And last summer we thought we had our big break and it’s turned out bot so so crappy. I think this past year has been the hardest, because that’s when it seemed like things would change. When you get so down that you have no hope of things changing, it gets easier to just shut down and deal with it…but that hope. Man, that hope will get you. It’s so much more stressful anticipating change and gettng hopes raised.
I love how you put the questions, the inner disquiet into this post. It is oddly comforting to know someone else is asking these questions. the question that scares me the most is “what if these questions are never answered?” it’s seems trite to tell you that I’m praying for you guys, but I sincerely do hope you catch a break soon.
These are such good questions. As a horribly pretentious and pessimistic teenager, I often asked people what they would do if there was a famine or war on the homefront in the U.S. The answers were always: “That will never happen” or “God has a plan.” And I’d say, God may have a plan, but the bible never says that plan is for us to have safe, peaceful American lives. And then there’d be this uncomfortable moment of silence. I think it’s important to wrestle in that place of uncomfortable quiet where our assumptions and anxieties meet and clash. Thanks for forcing us to do that here.
And yeah, I laughed at (and, okay fine, related to) this: “And as much as I don’t want to be rich…………..I kind of want to be rich.” We’re all just temporarily embarrassed millionaires, right?
ETA: I wish you and your family well as you’re making these big, scary decisions!
“We’re all just temporarily embarrassed millionaires, right?” LOL! Kate, you’re a riot. <3
I think it’s a balance of looking for opportunities and waiting for dreams to be realized. However, I’m a lot less likely to throw “Let go and let God” into the mix than I used to be.
Nevermind about Section 8. It’s not as simple as Wiki reports. There is a waiting list about 5-10 years long, in fact, so long, that they have been turning away new applicants for three years now, at least in Chicagoland. Maybe it’s different somewhere else. I wouldn’t go looking for “God’s will” there.
It’s hard to live without the answers. But then, it’s easier, too. To live in a way that I’m no longer afraid to ask the questions, any questions, and expect God to hear me. It’s easier to feel His presence now than it was when I thought I had the answers. He is close to the brokenhearted.
I think I can find a purpose here, living in low income, building a home anyway on love, hope and creativity, but in all honesty, our family wouldn’t choose this. If afforded the opportunity, we’d take the first ticket outta here. And I’m pretty sure Jesus would be ok with that. 🙂
Agree. And I think it’s unfortunate that many Christians say that it’s EITHER/OR (God’s plan or our plan). And that “our plan” is directed by “the flesh” which “is sinful and can’t be trusted” …. That messed me up for years. I’m finally just doing things and moving forward with my life, trusting that God gave me the instincts and wisdom to figure it out.
This is brilliant Caris. X
Love this. All of these questions – these are ones I have articulated. These are important ones. Sometimes it takes humility to admit we only have those questions and don’t have the answers. But humble is good and Jesus-y, right???
Seeing you much love in the midst of the fog.
hi,
i made a comment on one of your other posts and wanted to amend it but couldn’t find a way in to do so and wondered if you could assist. I’ve sent you a Facebook message but think it might have gone off to ‘other’ account’,
Caris,
Not funny but funny to think of how we are in this world – working out our faith as best we can and tripping all the way. This resonates deep. I’m there too. Pondering, question, rethinking. One thing I know for sure more than anything else – God can handle my flawed humanity. My questions, doubts, misgivings, and questions don’t throw Him off kilter. He can handle. It’s the rest of us human beings who can’t handle it and who think we have to give some kind of answer. What if the best answer is to say either nothing at all or to nod – to recognize there’s not we could say that would appease the human heart – unless the were words breathed through us and to the other person by way of the Holy Spirit. It’s no wonder God desires us to pray and seek Him and His wisdom.
My fave words are these:
People act like if you are following God, it will be all peace, all the time. ‘Let go and let God’ is not helpful when I’m feeling all the feelings.
Is it possible that acknowledging the massive stress and emotional upheaval this process is taking on us just makes us human? I don’t know that being a hot mess all summer automatically means we must be ‘out of God’s will’.”
I’m no where near perfect, and I am so glad I am not the only one experiencing real life and brokenness. I am not alone in the struggling and the wrestling. Listening. Just being the ear is sometimes all we need. Thanks for voicing your heart!
Denise,
Yes! Faith with works not faith with laziness! I keep hearing the whole, it’s all His part to do, but that negates my participation. I think He moves even more when we step out on faith and trust what He’s already placed in our hearts to do. I love that He is the ‘with us God” Immanuel affirming our steps as we go not as we sit.
Totally come to Virginia. Let’s plant a church!!!
“…a God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave is angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell–mouths mercy, and invented hell–mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man’s acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!
Mark Twain – No. 44, The Mysterious Stranger
Therefore I say:
Let Go..Let God!? Let Go of God..May the Source Be with You!
I thoroughly relate to everything that has been written here by everyone, and I feel for you as I’ve been going through similar stagnation and desperation for at least the last 4 years since I made contact with God and asked for His help..btw I’m not a Christian in any sense; I don’t read the Bible but I am a Gnostic and rely on direct revelation from the Spirit
…Nevertheless in all honesty imho He has been/is utterly useless to us modern-day incarnated human beings and a liar gameplayer and narcissist at worst…I feel sad saying this because He’s also incredibly kind and nice whenever we have contact — “the nicest Light you ever met!” but I have to admit our relationship has failed..God is like new softdrink on the market called “God” which when you open it has nothing but air inside 🙁
Recently I turned to Mother God who can be invoked as Mary, Sophia or Azna, who for many people seems to provide quick answers to their problems, where God was either indifferent, ambivalent or just plain useless!!
I can at least somewhat recommend Azna as She has provided some miracles in my life where I believed none were possible 🙂
We need a GOD that is of practical help and works for us, who takes us completely as we are and affirms our earthly dreams and wishes for ourselves without superimposing some vague abstraction called a “Higher Purpose” or “Plan” leaving us for ages in a quandary as to what that might be lol..who doesn’t confuse us with dualistic dilemmas concerning his will and our will..that affirms our flesh-bound earthly lives and concerns empathizes with us like a true friend and takes responsibility for and gets involved with the nitty-gritty of His/Her Creation like a good manager or human parent!
I call for a Revolution in Heaven and Earth HERE AND NOW TODAY!
Rebel Ye Little Children and Give the Snoozing Creator a Piece of Your Mind..
Demand Change & Action (and risk being labelled Satan/Lucifer Haha 🙂
Why should parents have a plan for their children..that’s meddling and trying to dishonestly and vicariously lfind fulfillment through the lives of their children..Why not leave the children alone to find out what they want for themselves and just assist them where they need help to make the best choices for themselves.
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I just sort of wandered over to your page and saw this article. I remember once many years ago having a choice to make regarding a job I was offered, with better salary and benefits than the one I had. I was having a difficult choice to make. I wanted to the right thing. I prayed with Philippians 4:6-7 in mind. Then at last I got the leading I felt I needed. It was in Philippians 4:7 “the peace of God . . . shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.” I found peace knowing that my peace was not because I had somehow divined what God’s will was for me in this decision, but that our peace comes through Jesus Christ. God loves me in Christ Jesus. He doesn’t expect me to be omniscient, and you know this is how good parents love their children. The child becoming an adult doesn’t have to make the right choice with his or her life to gain or maintain their parents’ love. Rather, a good parent asks their son or daughter trying to find a vocation, “What do you want to do?” So if my choice involved doing good as compared to doing some other good I felt the freedom that my peace was not in my final decision but in Christ. I chose to do what I wanted to do without any guilt feeling. If I had chosen the other way it would have been no catastrophe, as far as I know. That was for me one of the most liberating decisions of my life.
This was so refreshing. Many Christians are so religious that it’s impractical. There’s a balance between the human and the divine, the problem is that we have a hard time reaching that balance. I don’t even know how to get there yet.
Thanks for sharing this information; now I know I am not alone.
Asking an all loving, all knowing, all powerful being to do something they aren’talready may be as useless as it sounds.